Post by KatieK on Aug 7, 2016 3:56:25 GMT
I'm sure I'm not alone. I carry my whip on my hip. My arm instinctively holds the handle in a loose grip and I surprise myself with how easily and comfortable and natural it feels when I lash out at all the good things in my life. My husband. My kids. My church (damned church). None of it stings enough to replace my own pain. And I know it doesn't do any good. I try to vent the emotions. In counseling. In prayers. With loved ones. But this death hasn't even happened yet. I'm watching it unfold a little more every day. He's dying by inches, my brother. My 34 year old brother. The brain tumor chips away at him knocking him down one notch at a time.
I have such strong faith in God. Even now. But the church I belong to tells me my family cannot be with me after death unless they're all baptized and full members of the church. This was something I never bought into. I know they will be with me after death. But in a way I would rather be there with them now than wait to live out my full natural life. I would never do that to my kids. But for now I straddle the line and hate my church and hurt the ones I love. It feels insane. But I know (hope?) I'm not alone.
I have such strong faith in God. Even now. But the church I belong to tells me my family cannot be with me after death unless they're all baptized and full members of the church. This was something I never bought into. I know they will be with me after death. But in a way I would rather be there with them now than wait to live out my full natural life. I would never do that to my kids. But for now I straddle the line and hate my church and hurt the ones I love. It feels insane. But I know (hope?) I'm not alone.
