Post by redwolf on Sept 4, 2015 20:06:28 GMT
My sister, Danielle. She was only 23. One year and 8 days older than me, to the day. Growing up, I only knew her name since she was taken and adopted out the moment she was born. She didnt know I existed till we were teens. Finally, after we both graduated high school, we got to meet for the first time in our lives. She was amazing. We liked the same things, we joked about the same things, we hated and got annoyed at the same things. We were about as close to twins as we could get. We even looked alike so much her adopted family did a double-take. She was the thing I had been missing my entire life. She was the other half of me. She was talented, beautiful and had a heart too big for one person to carry. As we got older we got closer and closer. She finally got to a point where she didnt want to be living with her adopted older sister anymore. I lived a state away and I told her that if she wanted to move over here with me, I would fly over and help her drive back. I would let her crash at my place until she got a place of her own. I even offered to help her find a job. If it meant she would be happy, I would do anything for her. She was more than just my sister. She finally started looking for jobs and apartments over here, and got them easily.
We spent a whole weekend getting her stuff packed and loaded into the Uhaul, messing around in our free time and enjoying being together. The 8 hour drive was stressful, but fun. She stayed with me for 3 weeks. She started work at the same place I worked 2 weeks after she got here. When she got here, to the city I grew up in, the city I loved despite some terrible things that happened as a child, nothing excited me more than introducing her to the city I loved. I introduced her to friends, I showed her places I wanted to take her when things calmed down and we both had money to spend. I wanted her to see why I love this city. While she was here, for the first time in my life, I felt complete. I had always felt... wrong as a child. I felt like, deep down in a place of myself I couldnt quite reach, something was missing, something wasnt where it was supposed to be. When I was with her, that feeling was gone. The relationship with her, my older sister and my little sister as well, they helped complete me, made me feel whole and happy and.... content with my life. Everything was going to be okay so long as we three stuck together.
The end of her first week of work came to a close. We went to her apartment complex and signed the lease together, since she needed a cosigner. We checked out the apartment, and she loved it immediately. THe only thing she had to do was pick up her dogs, who was being watched by our father. The trip was two hours one way. At the last minute, I decided I didnt want to go. I love my father, but I hated the drive there. She'd done it once before to drop off her dogs, so she was fine going alone, she said so herself. When she got there, she had a nice long talk with our father for the first time in her life. Then she headed home. She called me before she left his place, we talked about giving her dogs a bath once she got here, cooking in her new kitchen for the first time, and her pure overflowing excitement for spending the first night in her own apartment, just her and her dogs.
She only made it an hour back. The thing is, in our area, we get little storms, off and on, usually just rain. As time passed, and the time for her to have arrived left, I started to worry. When the storms first hit my area, my first thought was of how she hated driving through storms. I tried calling her to check on her but she didnt answer. Voicemails and texts and more phone calls. I was worried, but I figured she got hung up somewhere, in traffic maybe? When I got the call, I thought it was a joke. What do you mean she's been in an accident? What do you mean she didnt make it? Thats insane. I looked up hospitals. Maybe.... maybe if something happened, she'd be there. At a hospital, hurt but okay. I didnt think to look in the city near her accident. Then my little sister called, and she was bawling. I had to reassure her that I was okay, that I was at home and for once I wasnt with Dani at the time. That phone call is when it it me. MY sister. My beautiful, intelligent, talented sister was gone. I spent the rest of the night and the next morning going from phone call to phone call. "I'll call you back, so-and-so's on the other line" "I need to make sure so-and-so knows, let me call you back." Call to call, I recited the news and what had happened to the rest of the family, making sure everyone knew. The poor policeman who was dealing with the case was so helpful and kind and told me everything.
Since then, my house is still recovering from the chaos and lack of cleaning that happened after the disaster. My old bed, the one she used still sits in my room, her clothes, which were given to me by her adopted parents still sit untouched in their corner. I go through my life now: work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep, etc. Everywhere I go, though, I remember. I remember thats the restaurant I promised to take her to sometime, thats the one we ate at on her very first visit. Thats where we spent 4th of July together. Thats..... Every day. All day. And its killing me. My sister was more than just a sister to me, she was a best friend, an anchor, and she was someone I strived to live up to. She was my big sister and I loved her with everything I had. I still do. I take the condolences and the sorrys and the pitiful looks as best I can, with a smile and an assurance that I'm okay, that I'm dealing with it but I'm not. I'm not okay and I cant deal with it. I miss her so much, and I would trade anything in this world to have her back. Anything. I lost more than just my sister. I lost everything that she was to me and more. I lost the hope and the dreams of a long life teasing and supporting each other. My future kids will never understand what an amazing aunt they would have had. The world continues on with everyone else not knowing, not caring what an amazing person was lost, what talent and what kindness was taken from the world. No one except us: her friends and family.
I lost my sister and I dont know how to deal with it. When you lose half of yourself, how can the rest of the world keep spinning?
We spent a whole weekend getting her stuff packed and loaded into the Uhaul, messing around in our free time and enjoying being together. The 8 hour drive was stressful, but fun. She stayed with me for 3 weeks. She started work at the same place I worked 2 weeks after she got here. When she got here, to the city I grew up in, the city I loved despite some terrible things that happened as a child, nothing excited me more than introducing her to the city I loved. I introduced her to friends, I showed her places I wanted to take her when things calmed down and we both had money to spend. I wanted her to see why I love this city. While she was here, for the first time in my life, I felt complete. I had always felt... wrong as a child. I felt like, deep down in a place of myself I couldnt quite reach, something was missing, something wasnt where it was supposed to be. When I was with her, that feeling was gone. The relationship with her, my older sister and my little sister as well, they helped complete me, made me feel whole and happy and.... content with my life. Everything was going to be okay so long as we three stuck together.
The end of her first week of work came to a close. We went to her apartment complex and signed the lease together, since she needed a cosigner. We checked out the apartment, and she loved it immediately. THe only thing she had to do was pick up her dogs, who was being watched by our father. The trip was two hours one way. At the last minute, I decided I didnt want to go. I love my father, but I hated the drive there. She'd done it once before to drop off her dogs, so she was fine going alone, she said so herself. When she got there, she had a nice long talk with our father for the first time in her life. Then she headed home. She called me before she left his place, we talked about giving her dogs a bath once she got here, cooking in her new kitchen for the first time, and her pure overflowing excitement for spending the first night in her own apartment, just her and her dogs.
She only made it an hour back. The thing is, in our area, we get little storms, off and on, usually just rain. As time passed, and the time for her to have arrived left, I started to worry. When the storms first hit my area, my first thought was of how she hated driving through storms. I tried calling her to check on her but she didnt answer. Voicemails and texts and more phone calls. I was worried, but I figured she got hung up somewhere, in traffic maybe? When I got the call, I thought it was a joke. What do you mean she's been in an accident? What do you mean she didnt make it? Thats insane. I looked up hospitals. Maybe.... maybe if something happened, she'd be there. At a hospital, hurt but okay. I didnt think to look in the city near her accident. Then my little sister called, and she was bawling. I had to reassure her that I was okay, that I was at home and for once I wasnt with Dani at the time. That phone call is when it it me. MY sister. My beautiful, intelligent, talented sister was gone. I spent the rest of the night and the next morning going from phone call to phone call. "I'll call you back, so-and-so's on the other line" "I need to make sure so-and-so knows, let me call you back." Call to call, I recited the news and what had happened to the rest of the family, making sure everyone knew. The poor policeman who was dealing with the case was so helpful and kind and told me everything.
Since then, my house is still recovering from the chaos and lack of cleaning that happened after the disaster. My old bed, the one she used still sits in my room, her clothes, which were given to me by her adopted parents still sit untouched in their corner. I go through my life now: work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep, etc. Everywhere I go, though, I remember. I remember thats the restaurant I promised to take her to sometime, thats the one we ate at on her very first visit. Thats where we spent 4th of July together. Thats..... Every day. All day. And its killing me. My sister was more than just a sister to me, she was a best friend, an anchor, and she was someone I strived to live up to. She was my big sister and I loved her with everything I had. I still do. I take the condolences and the sorrys and the pitiful looks as best I can, with a smile and an assurance that I'm okay, that I'm dealing with it but I'm not. I'm not okay and I cant deal with it. I miss her so much, and I would trade anything in this world to have her back. Anything. I lost more than just my sister. I lost everything that she was to me and more. I lost the hope and the dreams of a long life teasing and supporting each other. My future kids will never understand what an amazing aunt they would have had. The world continues on with everyone else not knowing, not caring what an amazing person was lost, what talent and what kindness was taken from the world. No one except us: her friends and family.
I lost my sister and I dont know how to deal with it. When you lose half of yourself, how can the rest of the world keep spinning?